here's to us. happy year.

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known?
I trace the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over I'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never set foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault
I never conquered, rarely came
But tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I've survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone

i am not to be loved, cared for, thoguht about, wished upon, dreamt of, hoped for, but do not cry for me.

everyone saw this coming, you've told yourself i douldn't happen.

let's see if your wrong, or if i take enough. hopefully, tomorrow i won't wake up. it's not your fault. who could love sucha person as me? don't be sorry when im gone. maybe this is an attempt to gian attention, maybe this fluid will change colors for a coronor? maybe no ones to blame? just another teenage suicide. siting before me i see blue, purple and red. but which will take away my pain? where will i be found dead? maybe im disturbed, demented or abused.

maybe my ex's finally got their wish, it all came true. i've failed my parents. failed my friends, brad won't talk to me. jaime and corrin have a distaste for me. kelly attempts to withstand me.

if i left right now and never was to return, something tells me you'll stop and turn. never looking back on what you once were, only what you've become.

a trigger seems to cliche. daggers can cause more pain than i feel right now.

i need a phone call from someone that really cares, a visit from a distant person to say they missed me, a voice of my past to discover what i've become.

with every sentence a tears rolls down my face, this just might be a waste of time. untrue. tear me away from you. release the demon that has plagued you. causing you to stray to him. infidelity is such a heavy burden for me to carry, i've done you wrong in the past. i've also done my best to change the future.

'did my best to make them proud
but it just wasn't in me'

goodbye. love for all. even those that have done me wrong. jason (missa's ex). phone call.

when u wakeup ill be gone