slowly things are felling into place, everything in it's right place. i am finding no spot for love maybe i'll be better off without it.

this weekend will be hell and i just need good freidns around me. i will probably be alone on sunday, just spend the time in my room deciding what i've done to become this person that can make other just fall out of love. i've tried smiling and acting happy for everyone, but this has become a strenuous task taking up a lot of my time.

think of it this way, for every faked smile I dedicate an hour to self-pity.

on a good note, i callled brad today and we spoke for about 15 minutes. it was really good to know someone from my past still cares, hope this sin't jsut for my birthday. i've really missed him and haven't gone surfing since the last time i went with him. it lost the fun and spirit, like those times we would attack each other on the wave or try to fly off the back through the misty winds flowing over the lip of the wave. some activites with others aren't the same by yourself, especially when it's someone you care about.

so as for now, i am trying to rebuild my relationships holding a candle for each next to my heart.
please let that be enough to bring you back.