"In a room with a window in the corner I found truth." - Jow Division
That's actually a song quote that IS my new room in the apartment recently aquired for $610 a month with utilities (cable tv/internet for the first time in my life!). It's different this time, I've always lived with someone I ended up sleeping with and/or dating. Since I have two MALE roommates I don't see that happening but it's still strange. Men are weird creatures, unclean and full of masked animosity/jealousy. One of the roommates walked in and stared at the collection of condoms gathered in a Monty Python vinly record formed into a bowl, gave a long stare and sighed.
Claire has reminded me of what sex in a relationship is like, not the fruitless effortless bullshit known as sloppy drunk sex or the occasional hookup but really "making love". It doesn't feel empty or unimportant AND recently I've been feeling like less of a pervert for wanting sex in different ways (soft, hard, close, dominative, rough or switching control). For her birthday I will give her a private lapdance or interpretive dance to one of the following songs:
Earlier this month I gave her access to empty-dreams and encouraged her to read every posting lucid or laced with chemicals I want her to see the real me, past present and future fuck it. I want her to know my worst memories, the good times and best times [all songs in between].
I should be re-focusing on my work but it's late I needed to rant about the woman that makes me feel like a little oy in the best ways and at the same time makes me feel proud to me flaws and fuckups it's all been me. This is me falling headfirst with headshots last...