Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

There are three reasons why lawyers are replacing rats as laboratory research animals. One is that they are plentiful, another is that lab assistants don't get so attached to them and the third is that they will do things that you just can't get rats to do.

History is only the register of crimes and misfortunes.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.