We danced like no one was watching, we fucked like the whole neighborhood was and this added to our list of faults. We gave a shit about some things and let the most important ones slip through.

Looking back I wonder we did what we did; why I cheated and you tore up the apartment. I've survived this long through some evil means and an ashtray. There is still good in me but its hard as a half pound burger shit to find.

For now off-timed statements, shit brown honesty and self hate keep me going. My family plays a big part but I need to drown to get it together. books, scotch and bad TV are my vices. I stopped drinking coffee a few weeks ago. Haven't dropped the bottle for weeks on weeks and haven't thought about Alex for less than 5 minutes a day, each day for 29 days.

I tried to make myself less appealing to women by not shaving or showering but women love a wounded bird. They love that I am waiting for her to come around and feed off my circumstances. They are the vultures and I am the lone tortoise stuck in the mud.