so now i sit with on my second pitcher of drinks. can't seem to think these thoughts without a round, sucks that i can;t even walk. much less talk. missa needs to see what she wants in life and for some reason it's taking what seems to be weeks, although chronoligcally its been a few days. just wish answers would come sooner.
i sat here for 30 minutes debating if it was right for me to call. im going crazy without the comfort of her arms. i need reassurance that something will turn out okay. people still owe me money, some are hunting me down for actions i never did or went through with.
one optimistic look at sorrowful nights, i never go through with things i say i will. most of my time it's that feeling of wanting things to change with a simple movement. we've all been here before. at the end of an era, a seaon, a relationship, we all go through the same stages.
HURT
This is often reflected by 'fuck you' or other monosyllabic insults. 'bitch' 'whore' 'slut' Many times during this stage I drink myself retarded, and then proceed to write almost on end for days. Tormeting pain that can only be cured by bottles. Once again these are my thoughts and beliefs.
DEMENTIA
Life doesn't look the same, the sun loses it's glimmer, the water becomes murky, and every little drop joy curdles. Smiling faces turn to glances of pity, doesn't seem that anyone cares. So fuck it, drink this dream of them away.
ACCEPTANCE
Realizing the erros of your ways... forget it I'm not at this point yet. After that I will however show my soul in ink.
Here's a copy of my current playlist...
A Static Lullaby - Charred Fields of Snow
A Static Lullaby - Radio Flyer's Last Journey
A Static Lullaby - love to hate, hate to me
A Static Lullaby - the shooting star that destroyed us all
A Static Lullaby - a sip of wine chased with cyanide
A Static Lullaby - song for a broken heart
Alkaline Trio - Bloodied Up (early version)
Alkaline Trio - Bye Bye Love
Alkaline Trio - Crawl (early version)
Alkaline Trio - Dead End Road
Alkaline Trio - Heaven
Alkaline Trio - I'm Dying Tomorrow
Alkaline Trio - Jaked on Green Beers
Alkaline Trio - Maybe I'll Catch Fire (unmastered)
Alkaline Trio - Radio (Acoustic)
Alkaline Trio - Radio (Live)
Alkaline Trio - Snake Oil Tanker (Acoustic Version)
Alkaline Trio - The Metro (Berlin Cover)
Alkaline Trio - This Could Be Love
Alkaline Trio - Snake Oil Tanker
Alkaline Trio - Southern Rock
Alkaline Trio - Cooking Wine
Alkaline Trio - For Your Lungs Only
Alkaline Trio - Private Eye
Alkaline Trio - Mr Chainsaw
Alkaline Trio - Take Lots With Alcohol
Alkaline Trio - Stupid Kid
Alkaline Trio - Another Innocent Girl
Alkaline Trio - Steamer Trunk
Alkaline Trio - You're Dead
Alkaline Trio - Armageddon
Alkaline Trio - I'm Dying Tomorrow
Alkaline Trio - Bloodied Up
Alkaline Trio - Trucks And Trains
Alkaline Trio - Crawl
Alkaline Trio - Cringe
Alkaline Trio - Cop
Alkaline Trio - San Francisco
Alkaline Trio - Nose Over Tail
Alkaline Trio - As You Were
Alkaline Trio - Enjoy Your Day
Alkaline Trio - Clavicle
Alkaline Trio - My Little Needle
Alkaline Trio - Southern Rock
Alkaline Trio - Message From Kathlene
Alkaline Trio - Trouble Breathing
Alkaline Trio - Sorry About That
Alkaline Trio - Halloween
Alkaline Trio - Children in Heat
Alkaline Trio - Hell Yes
Alkaline Trio - My Standard Break From Life
Alkaline Trio - Goodbye Forever
Alkaline Trio - This Is Getting Over You
Alkaline Trio - Bleeder
Alkaline Trio - I Lied My Face Off
Alkaline Trio - Keep 'Em Coming
Alkaline Trio - Madam Me
Alkaline Trio - You've Got So Far To Go
Alkaline Trio - Fuck You Aurora
Alkaline Trio - Sleepyhead
Alkaline Trio - Maybe I'll Catch Fire
Alkaline Trio - Tuck Me In
Alkaline Trio - She Took Him To The Lake
Alkaline Trio - 5-3-10-4
Alkaline Trio - Radio
Alkaline Trio - Private Eye
Alkaline Trio - Mr Chainsaw (Live)
Alkaline Trio - Cringe (Live)
Alkaline Trio - Goodbye Forever
Alkaline Trio - This Is Getting Over You
Alkaline Trio - Bleeder
Alkaline Trio - I Lied My Face Off
Alkaline Trio - My Friend Peter
Alkaline Trio - Snake Oil Tanker
Alkaline Trio - Southern Rock
Alkaline Trio - Cooking Wine
Alkaline Trio - For Your Lungs Only
Alkaline Trio - Exploding Boy
Alkaline Trio - Sun Dials
Alkaline Trio - Nose Over Tail
Alkaline Trio - 97
Keepsake - Violent Love
Keepsake - Slander
Keepsake - Cartoon Life
Keepsake - Engaging War
Keepsake - A Raindance Narrative
Keepsake - Ticket To Russia
Keepsake - Space Bound
Keepsake - Letter To A Hostage
Keepsake - Black Dress In A B Movie
Keepsake - American Fights
Matt Skiba - Bleeder
Matt Skiba - Goodbye Forever
Matt Skiba - orlando florida interview
Matt Skiba - my friend peter (acoustic)
matt skiba - Private Eye (Acoustic).mp3
matt skiba - Radio.mp3
matt skiba - Sorry About That.mp3
Matt Skiba - Good Fucking Bye
Matt Skiba - The City That Day
Matt Skiba - Next To You
Matt Skiba - In Your Wake
Matt Skiba - Soul to Keep (For Phyllis)
Midtown - Living in Spite Acoustic
Midtown - No Place Feels Like Home
Pedro the Lion - Options
Pedro the Lion - Rapture
Pedro the Lion - Penetration
Pedro the Lion - Indian Summer
Pedro the Lion - Progress
Pedro the Lion - Magazine
Pedro the Lion - Rehearsal
Pedro the Lion - Second Best
09-pedro the lion-priests and paramedics-chr.mp3
10-pedro the lion-rejoice-chr.mp3
A Newfound Interest in Massachussetts.mp3
Get Up Kids - Something To Write Home About - 11 - Close To Home.mp3
Get Up Kids - The Breathing Method.mp3
Getup Kids - Out of Reach.mp3
The Get Up Kids - Anne Arbour.mp3
The Get Up Kids - Better Half.mp3
the get up kids - Coming Clean.mp3
The Get Up Kids - Don't Hate Me.mp3
The Get Up Kids - Fall From Grace.mp3
The Get Up Kids - Forgive And Forget.mp3
The Get Up Kids - I'll Catch You.mp3
The Get Up Kids - Mass Pike.mp3
The Get Up Kids - No Love.mp3
The Get Up Kids - One Year Later.mp3
The Get Up Kids - Overdue.mp3
The Get Up Kids - Red Letter Day.mp3
the get up kids - sorry about wisconsin.mp3
the get up kids - The Worst Idea.mp3
The Get Up Kids - Valentine.mp3
The Get Up Kids - Woodson.mp3
Thrice - Phoenix ignition.mp3
Thrice - T & C.mp3
Thrice - As the Ruin Falls.mp3
Thrice - Identity Crisis.mp3
Thrice - In Your Hands
Thrice - Madman
Thrice - The Next Day
Thrice - To What End
Thrice - Torch To End All Torches.mp3
Thrice - Ultra blue.mp3
Thrice - Under Par.mp3
Thrice - Unquestioned Answers.mp3
Thrice - 01 - Kill Me Quickly 1014133318.mp3
Thrice - 02 - A Subtle Dagger.mp3
Thrice - 03 - See You in the Shadows.mp3
Thrice - 04 - Betrayal is a Symptom.mp3
Thrice - 05 - Deadbolt.mp3
Thrice - 06 - In Years to Come.mp3
Thrice - 07 - The Red Death.mp3
Thrice - 08 - A Living Dance Upon Dead Minds.mp3
Thrice - Where Idols Once Stood
Thrice - 10 - Trust.mp3
Thrice - 11 - To Awake and Avenge the Dead.mp3
Thrice - 12 - So Strange I Remember You.mp3
Thrice - 13 - The Beltsville Crucible.mp3
Thursday - Autobiography Of A Nation (Live)
Thursday - Understanding In A Car Crash (Live)
Thursday - Standing On The Edge Of Summer (Live)
Thursday - Paris In Flames (Live)
Thursday - Jet Black New Year
Thursday - A0001
Thursday - Understanding In A Car Crash
Thursday - Concealer
Thursday - Autobiography Of A Nation
Thursday - A Hole In The World
Thursday - Cross Out The Eyes
Thursday - Paris In Flames
Thursday - I Am The Killer
Thursday - Standing On The Edge Of Summer
Thursday - Wind-Up
Thursday - How Long Is The Night
Thursday - 1100
Thursday - Porcelain
Thursday - This Side of Brightness
Thursday - Ian Curtis
Thursday - Introduction
Thursday - Streaks in the Sky
Thursday - In Transmission
Thursday - Dying in New Brunswick
Thursday - The Dotted Line
Thursday - Where the Circle Ends
you decide for yourself.