I can't fucking sleep. There's a bottle of sleeping pills next to me but I promised myself and Rachel that I'd stay away. Sweet serene sleep instead of another fucking diary entry. Drank all the vodka so I don't even have a bottle to my name to wash it down with. That fucking AA meeting, my first, shifted the hell out the back of my mind into my face and is forcing me to deal with it. This is NOT something I wanted to deal with just yet, but that group fucked with me. Sure I was nice and wet when I went in but that doesn't mean I wasn't willing to be attentive and try to get stuff off of my chest and try to gain some understanding.

Instead I'm sitting here slowly losing my mind opver something that shouldn't even be a fucking issue but sure as shit it is. After the meeting the last thing I remember is sitting out fron with Rachel and Matt with vodka and PBR in tote. Fastforward.....

1:40 AM:
Wakeup alone and bewildered with serious physical drain. I'm going through the shakes again and this time it's not stopping in a short span of time. This lasts for 2 hours. 2 hours of shaking, day old pizza and booze rising up my throat, splashing water in my face, chain smoking and all I want is to break these past 2 sexless years.

Terms to describe sex: intimate, internal, sweaty, involved, teasing, nails, V-A-G-I-N-A!, ranch dressing, oral tongue cluster fuck, strange, despare, drug induced, bushy bush, patty patty buke buke!

Excluding the last remark the rest describes what I miss. My hearing is still kind of piss poor after the last time I went down on my girlfriend and she popped my fucking ears. My hearing died for 2 days, two fucking days! Sure it raises my self esteem in the oral sex arena but at what cost?

Fuck this I want drugs, night night.... POSTSCRIPT:
thanks for the booster shot unknown, if we ever meet I promise to not hump your leg too hard.. :)