Working, overthinking, drinking too much, smoking 2 packs a day, hating life and being piss poor is no way to go through life. Until I fix this or it absolves itself I will be waiting for the train the subway that only goes one way the stupid thing that will come to pull us apart and make everybody late. A crushed credit card, registered to Smith, not the name you call me with. Not even chemically fucked and I can't think straight. Claire and I talked after our emotionally disturbing conversation last night. Told me she was still in love with her ex-boyfriend Pat. Broke my heart to hear that so much I left everything there and ran way into beers and chain smoking. Lost all hope and gave up on most everything. Sad that I let things like that bother me but what the fyuck else am I supposed to do?

I'm falling for this girl and there is no way I am going down without a fight. Part of me is falling for her quicker than any relationship I can remember. Also the sex is amazing which gives me something to smile about. I don't feel like a pervert when we are intimate (fucking/sucking/teasing/licking).

I'm learning more of what I want and this is me working for something I hold deep. Claire makes me smile, if you have a problem with that fuck yourself.