well i think im gonna puke.

destruction of most of my relationships.

feels like that usual abrupt distorted wrenching pain. the feeling of being cheated out of things.
swindled is a kinder word. as far as getting trashed on by others anyway.

ive been feeling closer to friends (such as kelly, tony or jeff) than i am to melesssa. doesn't seem to make the effort to see me. i come over to help her on a paper and see her after god knows how long i went without. well without emotion.

the words 'i love you' seem to be mouthed robotically, so monotonous almost self indulged.

where's that feeling? where is my mind? where has my heart gone? am i dead, just not accepting this numb reality? someone please tell me. where.

static lullaby - "the shooting star that destroyed us all"

a poem to the dead,
let this mistake bring
a vivid crystal to her eyes
so drain out my lungs
before the fluid brings a choke
i cannot inhale
the sparkle of your voice
let me walk on this high wire of rusty nails, bare foot and shedding flesh, each penetrating fragment of metal,
a bitter sweet illusion of your face walking home the street lights go out ...
ill never find my way back to you
with every word i say
the more i lose,
this is where i stand ...
on the plateau
of shattered hearts,
at my lowest
i will find redemption

good live. frickin awesome period. dot.
you can't escape her, she's in your mind. so i'd better fade away, better than running. whatever that means.