checking friends diaries today, i read that i had not been staying in contact with her, so i emailed her and jumped on aim and there she was. so we talked and then she read my entries after i got offline and pieced together that since shae left me that my contacting her was a "last resort". this was closely stated on my notes page.

off chance has screwed me over! arrghhh.

shae left me a note that lou read to me while i was deficating. sound was perceived by my ears, but i can't or subconsciously won't remember. i dont know.

then lea and i had an interesting conversation of my lesser qualities. also i can't stop listening to battlescars or playing for that matter.

as a good note, a man by the name of Rick wants me to play guitar in his band. joy of joys. something to release my feelings with besides writing, because it seems to get me in trouble.

but then again a few songs i've written have harmed others, the idea of truth scares a few people, or ideas/thoughts can be blown out of proportion.

i feel like shit on many levels, so today is beat the crap out of jon day. make yourself feel better by assimilating yourself with a cath phrase, focus group or idea and use those strengths to tear me down.

i am not even using proper tagging as i write, this seems familiar. so strange.

helpless. lost. depression wins.
aplaud yourselves, to no person or group directly. i will be writing with more discretion now as to not offend anyone, excluding myself.

sweet fucking christ, today started well and slowly went to the shitter.

'there's battlescars on my face and my arms but you still kiss me anyway'