today was quite interesting.....

starting with no sleep and a few drinks last night, tweakers chasing me downtown, 6 different buses, 3 hours on buses, a town called Fife which I would never wish upon my worst enemy, passing out at random intervals throughout the day, swift darting eyes focusing on minute details, indian reservations, getting paid for playing guitar, free smokes for playing guitar, scary scary hick men trying to get me to sleep in their trailer, walking around for hours aimlessly with no idea where I am or what I am going to do, a wonderful waitress named Lisa at Flight J truck stop, a sweet guy suprising his significant other with a single red rose in a white vase with white filler, depressing music, overly happy music, grandma bingo, weird indians looking at me, snow in seattle when i was in fife, icy roads this morning almost 5 accidents at one corner by my count, sweet women on the bus helping me find my way around and looking at my photos without a sign of twinging.

Quite an interesting day, more details to come.

I will be leaving on Wed or Tues depending on whichever tickets are cheaper, so I will be seeing all those people I love and miss dearly. However I will be losing my chances to repair things with Kou and Shae here, losing Becky, Michael and Ashley.

Once again a large part of this action is my mom's knee replacement surgery, last time I babied her for 4 months and then gave her training wheels for a few more after. She started crying 2 nights ago on the phone about how she needs me there, her weekends are lonely. We sometimes run out to Harbor House, Coco's or a variety of other restaurants and talk for hours on end. She knows I love her with all my heart and soul. An amazing women that inspires me, just wish I could turn that inspiration to action not just wonderful thoughts of what I could do. Instead I usually slack along and hang on for the ride, but maybe I'm just no ready for this responsibility of myself.

Family forgives no matter what, they never stop loving you.
But it's amaing how quickly friends turn on you when you make a mistake, no matter how much I want forgiveness. Friends are not supposed support each other financially without one getting proper motivation or financial backing. All I want now is resolution on this matter to come to some sort of stabilization, something I can come to grips with.

This is a decision to leave is based upon many facts and history to date, not solitary incidents. I believe it will be better in the lnog run for all parties.
Shae has a chance to either forget about me or think about how much of an idiot I am, after she has her Jon hate party maybe she'll talk to me
Lou goes under the same guidelines
Brad will be getting a visit sometime soon
Lindsey and I will play with chalk listening to The Wall
Missa and I can put behind us a chapter of fristration in our lives
Jaime will also be getting a visit
Mom now has bridge partner
MeL and I will go find something fun to do. I suggest a "what the f**k are you doing back!?!" party. my bonfire pit, beach, friends and I WILL SURF! jesus god on donuts i need to surf sooo badly.
pray for surf.
a chance to see all the friends and family I miss incredibly.
get some edumacation so I can move onto higher learning and learn more intersting facts about religion, photo and design.
save up some cash so I can come back to Seattle and visit my Seattleites......
I'll miss you kids, even if we are on bad terms I still love ya and there ain't nothing you can do to change that.

With everything today I wrote 2 songs; one good one and the other the first ever song of mine to have profanity, this involved how much i despise the town of Fife, WA.

the output of an equation may change, but only if both integers match pos or neg.
-1 + 1 = 0 (if the other person was at a level of despisition with me)
1 + -1 = 0 (if i was at a level of despisition with the other person)
-1 + -1 = -2 (if we were both at a level of despisition with the other)
1 + 1 = 2 (if we were both happy with the other)

we decide the outcome of cimple answers, but the questions are the problem.