In times like these religious philosophy flows like mescal through your veins after a week in Singapore. Sat back staring at the drink stained carpet listening to a series of records I had picked out just for Jeff, ranging in style variations and personal memories. Working at the winery gave me a few perks, like 9 liters of "low fill" fine wines for 10 bucks. Almost dragged a few lines it hit so hard. Stumbled around for a few more days trying to recall which Jeff this was, mind altering narcotics and jameson have a way of making you forget the life you once had. Was this the Jeff I grew up with or was this some sideshow kid I had only a loose drugged up affiliation with?

Fuck if I knew, talking to friends over 800 miles away on a cell phone in an area where reception is scarce and rich white trash is abundant. Sometimes afraid that if I missed a word it would never be found again, lost in that abyss of depression an endless oil spot on the driveway. You see it but hardly recognize it or know where it came from, just know that it's there mocking your kin.

I rolled out wasted to the dive bar off highway 29 called Anna's cantina drunki and mean as hell. So many thoughts, so much love and fear balled into an alcohol soaked bastard. I threw 5 bucks into the jukebox with my songs, when drunk never fuck with my music unless you want a 5 hour lecture on why I played what I did.

Came close to beating the fuck out of some drunk hick fuck when he threatened to unplug the box as it rolled out my old tunes. Pink Floyd, Elliott Smith, Ramones, Rolling Stones, Smashing Pumpkins, Dropkick Murphys, Mouse, etc. Music became my medicine once again, soothing away the torment and buffing down the rough spots. Sassy came and went with love, hugs ans shots, probably the best grrl I met out there.

God I miss her.

more tomorrow.